Bullying isn't only in the school yard

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Harrassment can be described as occurring when a person, of any age is the target of negative actions.

Harrassment has evolved into many different meanings, the most common being:

Social alienation which includes acts such as:

• negative comments or teasing about the person's appearance, clothing, actions, personality or other things personal to the victim
• gossiping about or spreading rumours
• embarrasing or publicly humiliating
• setting up to look foolish
• setting up to take the blame for something
• exclusion from the group
• threatening exclusion from the group
• manipulating to achieve exclusion from the group
• manipulation in order to gain compliance
• ethnic slurs, racism, homophobia and sexual harassment

Intimidation which includes such acts as:

• hiding, damaging or taking possessions (books, hats, clothing, lunches)
• playing dirty tricks or pranks
• dirty looks or threatening gestures
• name calling and taunting
• threatening to reveal personal information
• intimidating or harassing phone calls, e-mails, notes or letters
• extortion
• threatening to vandalize or damage other property or possessions (bicycles, victims's home, car...)
• verbal threats of violence or bodily harm to the victim, the victims family, friends or pets

Physical aggression which includes such acts as:

• spitting on or at
• pushing
• shoving
• kicking
• hitting or slapping
• vandalizing or damaging property or possesions (bicycles, victims's home, car,...)
• stealing
• locking in or out of a space
• throwing objects at
• physical acts that are humiliating such as "wedgies" or "Swirlees", urinating on, pouring liquids on
• physical violence against family, friends or pets
• threatening with a weapon
• any other acts of bodily harm including sexual assaults and sexual touching

Peer Harassment at work
Peer harassment can be psychological, verbal or physical abuse. Changing what we call bullying has been done to try to get people to take this sometimes devastating social problem more seriously. Peer harassment can be a one time incident or be carried out over a long period of time.

The victim might start to believe that what the harrasser is saying is true, or that they somehow deserve the treatment they're getting. They might feel ashamed, embarrassed or angry about what is happening to them. Although the people harrassing are likely to blame you for the harrassment and complain about your physical appearance or your personality (fat, ugly, skinny, buck teeth, wear glasses, have red hair, or a different color of skin, or because you are too smart, or not smart enough....you name it, they don't like it!) It has been discovered though, that harrassment really has nothing to do with the victim personally-what the victim looks like or what they wear, how they act, or whatever excuse the harrasser have used to justify to themselves why they are bullying- bullying is done because the harrasser has a problem.

Since it is the harrasser who has a problem, there is not much the victim can do to change their behaviour, but there are some things they can do to keep themself safe. The best thing the victim can do to get the people to stop harrassing you is to tell a manager/leader/boss, who can get the harrassment stopped. This is because, while they can't control someone else's behaviour, an manager/leader/boss has the ability to talk to the harrasser and ask them to stop, and the power to punish them if they don't stop.

The harrasser may threaten the victim that if they tell, things will get worse. They threaten because they know that what they are doing is wrong, and if you tell someone they could get in trouble if found out. The only person who wants the harrassment to be a secret is the harrasser, and why help them? It might surprise you to know that once the harrassers have been reported and talked to by an manager/leader/boss, the harrassing usually stops. It might also surprise you to know, that even though other people may see the harrassing and don't help, doesn't mean they agree with it. They probably don't like it anymore than the victim, but they may not know what to do, or may be afraid the harrasser will start bothering them if they try to help you.

Sometimes, harrassment does get worse after the victim reports it, but that is because the manager/leader/boss whom told handled it badly, or because the harrasser didn't take it seriously. If things have gotten worse after having told, they need to tell someone again right way. If the harrasser didn't stop the first time, they will to be spoken to again, or have a more serious punishment this time. People can deal with the harrassment without telling the harrasser who told on them, so don't let this stop you from reporting them. If this is happening in the workplace, don't be embarrassed or afraid you will get fired.

Being harrassed is not something you want to continue happening. When you are being harrassed:

• Be assertive-look them in the eye and tell them to stop.
Even though you might be scared at the time, try to sound as confident as you can. Try to make a short statement that doesn't give the opportunity for the harrasser to argue back. Here's an example of something you might say: "I do not like being called "fatty". Stop calling me that." and then walk away. You might have to pretend that you are confident when you really don't feel that way inside, so it's a good idea if you can practice beforehand what you might say in your firmest voice.

• Get away from the situation as quickly as possible

After you have been harrassed:
As soon as possible after the incident(s)

• Tell an authority such as an manager/leader/boss
• Tell someone in your family that you trust
• If you are scared to tell an manager/leader/boss, ask a friend to go with you, or write a note
• If they don't listen, or gives you advice that doesn't help, try telling someone else, and keep trying until someone takes you seriously
• If you are afraid to tell the authority yourself, ask someone in your family or a friend to come with you when you tell, or ask them if they will tell them for you. (The same goes if you are afraid to tell someone in your family, ask your manager/boss/friend you trust to come with you when you tell them.)

It might be hard to remember if you are shaken. but when you are talking about the harrassment, tell the person:

• What has happened to you
• How often this or other harrassment incidents have happened
• Who was involved
• Who saw it happening
• Where it happened and when
• What you have done about it already

Some people find it helpful to keep a log book, or diary of what is going on. Write down as much information as they can: what happened, the date, time and place, who was involved, who the witnesses were. If they report it to someone, write down what they said they were going to do about it. Sometimes, you will get unhelpful advice from an a person, write that down too! Keep your log book in a safe place, preferably if at work where others can't find it and use it against you.

The victim may seem alone but they are not, infact the individual doing the harrassing is the lonely one. Whether you are in work or a social environment harrassment does exist.

Just Remember:

• The Manager/leader/Boss should get both sides of the story before taking any action (if you were accused of something, you would only think it fair if you got to tell your side).
• Harrassment is wrong. Don't blame yourself. You don't need to take responsibility for the harrassing and try to deal with it on your own. Being grown up sometimes means knowing that there are times when you need to ask others for help, and let them help you. There are many people who care about you and what happens to you.
• Try to avoid being alone whenever possible. Look around and see who else is alone and try to make friends with them.

ref: CABA - Stop bullying me